Forgiveness Is Not Forgetting

I have been in situations where people have hurt me to the core of my being. I mean, really truly hurt me. Yet, they have later come to me and have apologized for their tresspasses towards me and asked for my forgiveness. I have forgiven them both for them and for me. I haven’t seen the point in hanging on to the anger and the bitterness of the situation.

There have been times I have chosen although to forgive this person, at the same time, I have not chosen to continue with them in my life. That was a difficult thing. It leaves them feeling as though they haven’t been truly forgiven. They have. I just don’t need to put myself into that situation again to be hurt. I have realised I don’t NEED that person in my life and what they brought to my life wasn’t significant enough to warrant me continuing to have any kind of contact or relationship. It was unhealthy.

I have also been in the position of looking at the entire situation, the person as a whole and being able to really see the hurt for what it was. I was able to forgive that person, not forget what they have done, but love them and move on with them as a part of my life. It wasn’t an easy thing to do by any means. Trust had to be re-established. They as a person had to be worth risking putting myself out there for again. What they brought to my life had to be worth it. The good had to outweigh the bad. I had to decide in my mind and heart and soul if this was something that would be isolated, or something that would be habit from them.

Only once in my life have I been someone who has really needed forgiveness for my own transgressions. I made mistakes because I was not trying to hurt anyone but actually I was trying to inflict the most minimal of damage to all parties. Trying to take the biggest hit to myself. It was an arrogant thing to do looking back on it, and in some ways a weak thing. But of course hindsight is always 20/20. I am now the one seeking forgiveness. It is an uncomfortable and an unusual place for me to be. A very humbling place for my soul.

Being on this side of the fence for a change has taught me about patience. I feel now what all of the people have felt when they have wanted my forgiveness in the past. That anxious feeling. That need for the other person to let it go and say it will all be ok. My own need to fix it and make it better due to my guilt, and self loathing.

Being on both ends in my life I see now that it is a process. Not an easy one at that for either party. I have to have faith that forgiveness will come from my heart and from those I seek forgiveness from. One step at a time. One day at a time. At least there will be no fear of anyone forgetting this important life lesson. I am grateful for it. It will make me stronger and better in the end.