I have had a few occasions recently that I have heard people blame their life’s problems on other people. They can’t do this or that because of another person, what they did, or what they are going to do. They use everything as an excuse.
Many people hold on to bitterness gained in their childhood. They blame their parents for everything that has happened in their lives. But really once you are an adult, you can make your own choices. No one is holding you to the behaviors of your parents anymore. I hate it when people excuse their behavior with comments like “I was raised this way” or “I was abused therefore I’m different and allowed to behave badly”.
I know a now 41 year old man who struggles financially, and personally. He blames the state of his finances on his parents. He is forever whining with “Poor ME”! Why, you might ask? His reply is: “They never taught me how to manage money”. This man didn’t have the best parents in the world, but he had everything given to him. He had nice clothes, a nice home, cars bought for him. Yet he still blames his parents for his failings in life? How could that be I wonder? His sisters who grew up in the same household all manage their money and do well financially.
I know another set of siblings who are given every single opportunity in life and more and they keep failing at everything. One of them uses the excuse that she was sick as a child, and can’t cope with life. The other, I’m not exactly sure what his problem is, but he blames his dad anyway. These people are now in their late 20’s and can’t hold jobs, can’t hold partners, and can’t deal with their own lives. How sad is that?
There is a time to deal with it and grow up. Yes, things might not have gone your way in the past, but are you going to let that affect the now and the future? Are you going to let “them” whoever they may be, put you in a place where it ruins your entire life? Haven’t they taken enough from you?
It’s hard to get rid of the “old tapes” that play in one’s mind. Believe me, I have plenty of them myself.
I had it very hard growing up. My father died early on and there was alot of physical and emotional abuse from my mother. But I have taken that energy into making myself better. Learning from mistakes. Being a solid person. That is my choice. I don’t want to relive it as an adult. Each choice that I have made has ensured that I don’t. I don’t want to marry a carbon copy of my father, or become my mother. That idea just depresses me.
We do get to choose. We can choose to be happy. We can choose to get out of the cycle, rut, stagnation of our lives and do better. Attitude is a big part of it. Making conscious positive choices rather than allowing the wave of life wash over you is another.
In the end, the only person you have to blame or congratulate for your life is you.
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2 comments:
I agree except that undeveloped children that are abused especially sexually have a more difficult time making correct decisions. Also as you mention later on; we all have are challenges, some just may have more than others. Keep in mind we are also not all born with the same IQ. I have been in youth homes as an assistant an some of these kids you know have a hard time just believing in anything.. It is sad..
I checked out your profile on Plenty of Fish- but I couldn't message you there!- Your profile says you know C++ ? Wow ! Intelligent women are probably the most attractive thing I look for. I'm going to college for Chemical Engineering and am sort of a Egghead myself. I still know how to have a great time thou! Science is just so fascinating to me.
I'm not artistically inclined but I do share the fact that I have a huge passion. My passion is environmentalism - I founded a non-profit group that next year will be helping people lower their carbon footprint and live a more sustainable life. www.codegreentampa.com
Each year I get older I too look at where I've been and where I want to go. Probably like you - its hard to conceptualize having your future with someone else when all you can do is set up plans for yourself - but a long term relationship is rewarding and thrilling if its with the right person.
I read a bit of your blog - I read to your self awareness part and Really understand. I think you can draw experience from your Parents but you must grow from them- not act like your stifled by them. My father and mother divorced when I was young- He died when I was 9 years old. He was a womanizer and had a habit of sleeping around with no condoms. Hence my birth- and his eventual death to HIV.
myspace.com/scorpiozhan
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