Heavy Heart

My heart feels like it wants to plunge through my diaphragm, slip down my left leg and rest by itself on the floor. It is literally tugging, pulling, downward. I keep having these thoughts. When I say keep I mean perpetually smashing themselves vigorously onto the inside of my mind not allowing me to think much else. The most insidious is that thought that somehow if I could put the parts back together everything would be alright.

Of course this is surrounded by techniques for getting this to happen. Even worse the brain decides to build a detailed story board of how the reunification will take place, and then how wonderful it will all be. This is obviously absurd fantasy and the rational mind screams all the while that this road is a dead end track with cliff of fatal proportions waiting at the end. It is only inevitable that you do eventually go sailing off this cliff back into the abyss of despair. I'm still working out how best to avoid this road, or at the very least conduct a u-turn. In the mean time writing it out in odd metaphors seems to at least have a short term positive effect.