I've been in that pit many times in my life, but it's always so much more fun living in a land of dreamy dreams than it is facing the harsh reality of what your life is. So much more giddy excitement dancing with women you've never met than moping about all the dances you left by.
The problem I have come to realise with dreams is that they are malicious little bastards.
Looking back on my life now I wish I had come to this conclusion a year ago. It is all well and good having a dream, just as long as you never ever ever try to solidify this dream into reality. You may want something badly enough, you may desire to be somewhere with every beat of your heart, yearn to change the very essence of your being...whatever your fantasy, I've come to the conclusion that it is better to leave it as just that.
However hard you try; no matter how many sacrifices you make; regardless of how much work you do to get those dreams close enough to hug whilst copping a furtive bum squeeze - something will happen to stop it.
Triggers suck. That one little smell, word, object and situation that has you fighting your past with full on effort. There are days when my triggers seem to have very little power but then there are others where something that seems so insignificant on the surface brings flashbacks that leave marks on my soul.
Help me escape . . .
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