Yesterday had been a bad and sad day. I fell terribly sick and the whole day was filled with senti and emo moments. It sounds tragic but with those tears that fell incessantly, I reinstated my belief that the world has always been unjust; the same goes to the people surrounding you. I am not skeptical but perhaps far too contemplative for my own good.
I asked myself many questions; silently, when I lay on my bed trying to fall asleep with a cold towel on my forehead. Am I being too sensitive and too ardent to ask for a little attention? Am I someone with a horrible attitude when displeasure masks my face? Do they sincerely care? Will I find the truth and sincerity behind those incessant affectionate phrases that were said to me every time?
Maybe I am too sensitive and far too contemplative for my own good. Their actions hurt. I’m hurting without them knowing. All I want is to know how significant I have been in that person’s life because I don’t know the core of my existence. I could be asking too much but somehow I find myself entitled to the truth that I yearn to know but it will sound horridly selfish when asked bluntly.
At this moment, I feel so bare with all my emotions dried up. I feel fictional and have nothing to offer anymore. I have always enjoyed the role of being a giver and not taker but I am so bare because everything has been taken yet I’m still to give all I can. I’m hurting, without that person knowing.
Sometimes, I feel like I am an object for temporal happiness. When my existence is felt and appreciated, I will be painted in the abstract art but the sad this is that the form of art that represents my being will be erased when my existence is not felt. Thus, began my journey of learning the nooks and crannies of living an artless life and how appreciate this new form.
I feel so disengaged but to whom does it matter?
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